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What a tool

I have an occasional low-key multitool habit; at least two Swiss army knives, a couple of Leatherman tools, and a credit-card-sized multitool in my pocket whenever I'm not going through airline security checkpoints.

But this has to take the ... well, first I'd need to get a bigger pocket to carry it in: it weighs over a kilo, has 85 tools, and Wenger will allegedly sell you one for US $1200. I wonder if they'll let you check it as a piece of hold luggage?

(warning: annoying ads on website )



I would only sassume that it would be good for a space station and not an island sicne it would get dirty.

Also my tool is allot larger then that.



Wow, this gadget has almost everything! Just imagine, you finish cutting and stripping the wires for that special mod on your computer, fasten the case closed, and then, without going into the kitchen to get it, you've got the corkscrew to open the wine to celebrate the completion of the work.

Wait a moment ...

Have you figured out how to turn the corkscrew? That case is huge, and I don't think I could get my hand around it far enough to get any torque at all. Same with the screwdrivers, for that matter.


MAD magazine once had an article about unsuccessful weapons. One of their ridiculous inventions was a Swiss Army Weapon - battle axe, long sword, etc. - everything a soldier could possibly need in a single unit, but sadly hampered by a weight of 145 kg.


"everything a soldier could possibly need in a single unit, but sadly hampered by a weight of 145 kg."

That would fit right into the zombie movie! I'm just not sure which would be funnier, The Arnold trying to nail a zombie with his favorite blade, or a zombie trying to figure out how to open it, while making disgusting growling noises.

Now that's what I call a Swiss Army Tool-Kit!


A pocket tool you can crank with two hands! Now we're talking!


If the Swiss Army throws that at people, they don't need guns.


That thing is an exercise in chindogu. But then, I'm sure they copied it from the gardening multi-tool ( (:


Yeah, but it's a Wenger. They're the crap Swiss Army Knife company. I used to have one, and the magnifying glass was smaller, and had a screwdriver attached to it in a way that would probably crack the lens if used. The can opener was of a foolish design that was an invitation to self-mutilation (which I managed to avoid). The nail file was a strange thing, not much good for filing nails, but it was totally blunt and looked like a blade, so I did get a couple of laughs from grabbing people's fingers and pretending to saw away on them.

Now, if it was Victoriknox, I'd be willing to at least lust over its features, even as I realized it was not actually useful, due to its size and shape.


I have a Victorinox Cybertool (the '34') and it is sufficient to completely disassemble (and, helpfully, reassemble) the Digital Compaq hp who cares, they killed the Alpha for the Itanic AlphaServer ES40.


"Have you figured out how to turn the corkscrew? "

Clamp the knife handle between your legs and turn the bottle.

I'd have to say I don't find this very impressive. It's basically a stack of swiss-knife-cores with different tools, sandwiched between the usual side panels. Like making a giant Oreo cookie by combining the creamoid centers of 20 Oreos between the two cookie wafers from a normal Oreo. A novelty at best.

The only reason a Swiss Army Knife is interesting is that it packs a bunch of tools into a limited space. This removes the space restriction, so you just end up with an awkwardly large knife with a bunch of low-quality tools. If you're going to use something that big, you might as well just use a decent set of tools in a bag.


Is this a cunning Swiss government defence spending reduction plan to reduce their army to just one man, albeit one with 30 inch biceps?

Perhaps the BlairBrown dualopoly could be persuaded to consider a similar option for the Trident replacement program, Wenger could probably cut them a good deal.


$1200? That's a rip-off. You can get them here in Basel for CHF 899.


So the importer is taking a $90 cut, yes?

(I suspect it's going to cost a whole lot more dollars before long, if the US housing bubble goes the way I think it's going ...)



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This page contains a single entry by Charlie Stross published on August 25, 2006 1:39 PM.

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