As we're two weeks out from publication of "The Rhesus Chart", we in Human Resources at SOE (Q Division) thought it would be amusing to run a competition for the worst, most embarrassing, disciplinary hearing we in the Laundry have ever had the misfortune to be involved in.
Post your worst workplace disciplinary problems in the comments below. (Please remember to check that your name appears correctly on your comment. Due to a bug in the way the blog handles logins with Google OpenID, some names are mangled: if this happens to you, add another comment identifying yourself.)
Five lucky winners will receive signed first-edition hardcovers of "The Rhesus Chart"; five runners-up will receive "Magic Circle of Safety" public awareness mugs, and/or a surprise visit from the Black Assizes.
Entries will be judged by me (Charlie Stross) on July 7th, and announced in a separate blog post. (Many thanks to co-sponsors Orbit Books for ideas, support, and the clipboard above.) I'll arbitrarily pick the cleverest reasons, or just the ones that make me laugh the loudest and the longest. Here are some brief examples to get you started (extra points for florid and unforgettable details):
* Employee called in three OCCULUS teams to bring down the Bird-God of Balsagoð, which turned out to be a pigeon.
* Failed to attend mandatory diversity awareness training due to being trapped in another dimension.
* Made inappropriate sashimi-themed jokes when attending reception for treaty negotiation delegation from BLUE HADES.
* Emailed selfie of own genitalia to another employee, resulting in PTSD and nightmares about ovipositors and traumatic insemination.